


Never Piss Off a Telepath; Or How Logan Opened His Mouth and Said a Stupid Thing

by Wolfsheart



Category: X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Crate and Barrel, Daddy!Kurt Wagner, Emma Frost's telepathy, Emotional, F/M, Grandma!Mystique, Humor, Implied Mpreg, Logan gives up beer and cigars, Logan's pregnancy cravings, M/M, Other, Pregnancy Cravings, emotional Logan, pregnant Logan, pregnant Wolverine, shopping for baby items
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-08
Updated: 2012-01-08
Packaged: 2017-10-29 04:50:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/316012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfsheart/pseuds/Wolfsheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all started with Logan doing something really inconsiderate then backing it up by saying some really stupid things to Emma Frost.  But we get to see hormonal pregnant (?) Logan over six days.  Let's just say that his mood swings and his cravings are very very wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Piss Off a Telepath; Or How Logan Opened His Mouth and Said a Stupid Thing

**Author's Note:**

> My previous fic, [Baby, It's Cold Outside](http://archiveofourown.org/works/294483) makes a reference to pregnant!Logan. It's a sequel, in a way, to this one because of that reference.
> 
> This originally linked to another fic by another AO3 writer, but as it appears that she's not updating that fic enough to connect the two stories, I've opted instead to unlink my story to hers and edit out the direct references to her fic.

*

He woke up in a sweat and tossed himself onto his back, covering his eyes with his hairy forearm to block out the morning light slicing in through the sliver-opening of the curtains.  He could feel Kurt’s warmth next to him, the heat of that fur that he normally loved and wanted to snuggle into; right now, it just made their bed feel like the middle of a rainforest.  Logan kicked the sheets off, his ankles becoming tangled in them for a moment, and he gripped Kurt’s tail the moment it started to wrap around his leg the way he loved while they slept.  Right now, it felt like a restraint, and he growled.  That rumbled his stomach, which suddenly felt queasy, making him grimace and try to roll over onto his side, as if that would make it stop. 

It didn’t.  In fact, the movement made it worse. 

Logan pushed himself up and sat on the edge of the bed for a moment, waiting to see if whatever cramped up his gut would abate.  Was his body just finally feeling the effects of getting old?  He was almost two hundred years old – by whatever recollection he had of his past – and his body was only _now_ showing signs of him being an old fart with gas and aches and…  What was next?  Was his hair going to start falling out?  Did he need to see Hank about regular prostate exams?  _Hank would get some sadistic enjoyment out of poking around in my ass_ , he thought to himself when another wave of nausea hit him.  This time it sent him rushing from the bed across the room and into the private bathroom where he slapped at the light switch until it flickered on while he fell to his knees in front of the toilet and vomited everything that had been in his system from the night before. 

_Beer, burgers, fries, beer, those three stuffed jalapenos, more beer…_

“Schatz?” trilled Kurt’s sleepy voice after the eternity it took Logan to empty his stomach. 

He turned his head, his ashen face starting to regain color thanks to his healing mutation.  Blue eyes regarded the furry mutant in the doorway with a pitiful stare, taking in the sleep-rumpled fur and pj bottoms that were slipping down a bit to expose the jut of Kurt’s hip that would usually have Logan’s teeth attached to it from the mere sight alone.  Right now, however, the older mutant just couldn’t think of moving.  Not yet.  Just in case. 

“Nnrrrrr...Kurt…don’ feel good,” Logan blurbled and rested his head against the cool porcelain.  He reached up and flushed, and the sound thundered into his brain. 

Kurt moved further into the bathroom with a grace that shouldn’t belong to someone who’d just woken up to the sound of a lover puking his guts out.  He knelt down and touched his wrist to Logan’s forehead then his lips.  “You don’t have a fever…not that I can tell,” he told Logan and stood back up, concern wrinkling his brow. 

“Nope, Elf.  M’just gettin’ old,” Logan grumbled and gave Kurt a look normally attributed to the teens when they pouted. 

“You were already old, mein Lieb,” Kurt teased just before he turned to the sink and brushed his teeth.  He ignored the green look Logan gave him when the scent of mint filled the bathroom, and after he rinsed his mouth, he turned on the shower to the temperature he and Logan could both compromise on.  “Come on, old man.  Shower with me then we can get some breakfast, ja?  That’s all you need...food and coffee, and you’ll be back to your grumpy self, terrorizing the students in no time.”  He leaned down and kissed Logan’s cheek then pushed off his pj bottoms and climbed into the shower. 

Logan grumbled and pushed himself onto his feet, shoved off his boxers and ignored the crumbly feeling sinking into his belly as he joined his lover in the shower.  Breakfast...yeah.  Coffee...double yeah.  That’s all he needed...

 

*

...like a hole in the head.  That’s how much he needed breakfast and coffee. 

Logan and Kurt _walked_ downstairs to the kitchen when he’d begged the fuzzy blue mutant to _not_ teleport them down, as he didn’t want to chance another round of face wrestling with the porcelain god upstairs.  He was _starting_ to feel better once they reached the foot of the stairs and was actually anticipating a plate full of eggs, bacon, toast...maybe some pancakes...or French toast...maybe Kitty had made French toast this morning...

Then the smells hit his flared nostrils even before they were within four feet of the kitchen, and his stomach twisted into knots again and he wasn’t hungry in the slightest.  In fact, Logan just wanted to hurl himself at the nearest toilet and heave up whatever was left in his stomach; if there was anything left.  Still, he forced himself to walk into the kitchen where the others were grabbing plates of food and coffee, juice or milk and carting themselves off to the dining room to claim places at the table.  Logan thought he might look as pea-colored as he felt. 

“Logan, coffee?” Kurt asked as he walked over to the pot, grabbing down two mugs.  When he looked back and noticed the way Logan hung back closer to the door, his brows furrowed, and he regarded his lover with concern.  He watched as the older mutant just tightened his lips together and shook his head, and he sighed, wondering what the hell was up with that normally iron-lined gut. 

“Thanks, but...I think I’ll skip it for now.  In fact, I think I’ll skip breakfast, too.  I think I must’ve eaten something last night that didn’t agree with me,” Logan replied, wrinkling his nose as he hovered near the sink.  He reached for a glass and filled it with water from the tap, ignoring the strange looks he was being given by Kurt and the others.  He lifted the glass to his lips and drank the water until it was gone, and he clenched his whole body to try and keep _that_ down, breathing slowly until the waves of nausea down for the moment. 

Kurt set his hand on Logan’s back and started to rub along his spine, jerking back when his man shuddered and pulled away.  “Sorry...,” he started. 

Logan turned and wrapped his fingers around Kurt’s wrist.  “It’s okay...it’s not you.  Just...feeling outa sorts.”  He kissed his lover’s knuckles then nuzzled his scruffy cheek against that blue palm. 

“Why don’t you go see Hank once he’s done eating?  It’s not as if you have classes today,” Kurt told him and leaned close to kiss him.  He could feel the relief when he said that, and he thought a silent prayer of thanks that the students didn’t have to deal with a cranky Logan who wasn’t feeling at the top of his game today.

“Yeah...that sounds good.  Hank’ll know what to do,” Logan agreed and followed Kurt into the dining room where all hell had broken loose, much as it did every morning.  He practically clung to Kurt’s shadow, the spikes of nausea fading long enough for a sudden rush of insecurity to stop the breath in his lungs.  What the hell was _that_ about? 

Of course, Logan tried to play it gruff, tried to man up and put that cock of the walk attitude out there like he usually did, but he couldn’t manage the smirk behind a cup of coffee today since the scent of the coffee churned his stomach.  He slid into his seat between Kurt and Kitty, and while his lover enjoyed his breakfast, Logan sat there, quiet, listening to the others, not quite feeling normal enough to get him out of seeing Hank. 

 

*

“Logan, this is really unusual.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen you feeling this poorly before.  Right after you drink too much, yes, but...you slept more than eight hours, so your healing should have taken care of all negative results from the beer.” 

Hank was perplexed.  He had seen Logan beat up, cut up, sliced and diced, set on fire – and wasn’t the scent of burnt hair and flesh just wonderful over breakfast every morning until he’d completely healed? – he’d even seen Logan hung over from drinking too much before his healing factor somehow managed to convert the alcohol in his bloodstream into...well, whatever it did with alcohol in his system.  He’s just never seen Logan looking so miserable that wasn’t in some way related to mourning someone.

“I know, Hank.  I can’t explain it.  Don’t know that I care to.  Just want it ta stop,” groused the older mutant as he rubbed his belly from where he sat, shirtless, on the exam table. 

Scratching underneath his chin, Hank stared at his friend, puzzled.  Well, if there was one thing he loved, it was solving puzzles, and that was how he’d have to look at this.  “I’m going to take some blood and run tests.”  Hank held up that finger when Logan started to grump at his words.  “This is too strange for me not to, Logan, and it’s not like the needle will hurt you.”  He walked away from the exam table long enough to retrieve a couple of vacutainers, rolling his eyes at the way Logan continued to grouse the whole time.  “You’ve had all of your skin burned off of you before, and you’re griping about a couple of needles and a little blood loss that your body will regenerate before I can even pull out the needle?  Where’s that manly, macho Logan that I know, hmm?”  That earned Hank a more menacing growl.

That was clipped short when Logan groaned and clutched at his stomach.  “Just get it over with, Furball, and save your gloating for later.” 

Hank’s back was to Logan, so the older mutant didn’t see the smirk on his face, but once he turned around and walked back over, his face was all business.  He was trying _not_ to antagonize his friend at this moment.  “Alright Logan,” Hank started and set both vacutainers down onto a tray, which he tugged closer as he stood right in front of the gruffer mutant.  “Right arm...then I’ll do your left.  At least, you thankfully have easy to find veins.” 

Logan cut his eyes up at Hank, cloudy sapphires this morning peeking through black spidery lashes and with a bullish snort, he sacrificed his right arm to the doctor.  If Hank wasn’t his friend...if he didn’t trust him so much, he would put up a lot more fuss than this.  “Just get it over with,” he repeated.  “Before I puke again.” 

Hank tied the tourniquet around Logan’s arm above his elbow and waited before the healthy looking blue vein became more visible before he swabbed with alcohol.  Then, with the gentleness that only his closest and dearest friends and loved ones knew he possessed, he inserted the first needle, untied the tourniquet and collected just enough blood in that one and withdrew it, capped it and set it aside while he prepped the other arm.  A general glance down at the first puncture told him what he already knew – Logan had already healed from that, and there wasn’t even a bruise to indicate that Hank had taken blood.  He repeated the process with the left arm then carried the vials over to the centrifuge, letting them spin while he carried over a small cup of juice to the other mutant. 

“Aw Hank, I don’t need that,” Logan complained and tried to hold up a hand in protest. 

“Humor me...again...Logan?  It’s just a tiny cup of orange juice,” Hank told him, pulling back the aluminum foil cover. 

Logan curled his meaty fist around the child-size juice cup, and he brought it to his mouth, but the moment the acidic-citrus tang hit his nostrils, he practically flung it away and cupped his other palm to his mouth, nearly sloshing the juice on the floor until Hank took the cup away. 

“Alright, Logan, alright.  Just...sit there...or go lie down over there while I run some tests,” Hank said and walked away with the juice, downing it himself and tossing the cup into the trash before he washed up his hands, fit them into huge rubber gloves and started to work.

 

*

Hank stared at the results for the umpteenth time just to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating.  Then he looked over at Logan who had finally settled into a light nap on one of the infirmary’s beds.  He glanced back down at the results again and thought about sending a mental missive to Emma.  He had a feeling both he and Logan were going to need the expertise of her counseling degrees. 

“Logan?”  He reached down and gently shook his friend’s shoulder and made sure that none of his parts were within claws’ reach.  “Logan...I’ve got your results, and...you’re going to want to be very awake for this.” 

“M’I gonna want a beer?” grumbled the sleepy voice as Logan pushed himself up, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

Hank backed up a little more and then sat down on the infirmary bed next to the one Logan occupied, taking off his glasses long enough to rub his eyes while he shook his head. 

“No...no you’re not going to want a beer.  Not for a while, actually.” 

An eyebrow arched at that and a very, _very_ surly voice asked, “Oh?  What the hell’s that supposed ta mean, Doc?  And how long is ‘not for a while’?”

Hank looked up at Logan and put his glasses back on, then he looked down at the test results once more as if wanting to make one hundred percent certain that these were the results before he told them to Logan.  He sighed. 

“Nine months, Logan.  You...won’t want _anything_ alcoholic for nine months.  You’re...”  Hank stared straight across at the puzzled look on his friend’s face.  “...pregnant.”

 

*

Emma was surprised to receive the telepathic near-panic message from _Henry_ of all people, when normally he was quietly ensconced in a chess game with a student or in research.  But when he mind-barked for her and Scott to come down to the infirmary, she rose from the couch in her office where she read the book she was prepping for her next set of ethics lectures, set the book on the table and left the room. 

 

*

“What the hell do you mean, Hank?  I can’t be pregnant!” Logan’s rough, deep voice that was normally like the felling of a huge tree in the woods, or even the rev of his motorcycle’s engine, became shrill.  Like a teenage girl in a freak-out at the news, he wrung his hands and stared across at his friend, willing him with his wide-eyed stare to tell him this was some sort of a joke. 

“Logan, that’s what I thought.  But I ran the test three times to make sure.  I have state of the art equipment here...and I’m a geneticist!  By what your blood test states, you are very much...”  Hank swallowed and found it very difficult to hold that panicked stare across from him.  “...with child.” 

Wolverine stood up and paced.  He started with just the short distance that covered the length of the infirmary bed before pausing to look down at Hank, his eyes pleading again for this to be some weird joke.  When it still wasn’t, he lengthened the distance of his pacing, covering most of the infirmary. 

“I’m a man...I shouldn’t be pregnant.  I...”  He had to stop pacing long enough to tug on his less than perfect memory to try and remember if he’d stumbled into a fight with an alien swarm that might have...in its weird tentacle way...knocked him up, but the  _only_ images that came on strong in his mind was that night some six weeks ago when he and Kurt had gotten up to their usual feisty sex shenanigans in the Danger Room.  They ported back to the room they shared before they could leave too many puddles for Slim or any of the kids to slip in.  Oh yeah, that was a vivid memory alright and one that brought a rosy blush of heat to Logan’s cheeks. 

 

*

_“My turn, mein Lieb,” Kurt growled as he reached for the lube in the nightstand and used his strong legs to flip Logan over onto his stomach.  His tail-spade came down with a satisfying SWAT against his gruff lover’s bare ass, making those cheeks clench up before he would work them back open again._

 

*

“Shit,” Logan replied and stood there, face-palmed in the middle of the infirmary.  “I don’t understand this.  You’re tellin’ me that the _Elf_ managed ta knock me up?” 

Hank was so glad he wasn’t drinking anything or else he would have choked immediately.  It wasn’t as if he didn’t know the two were a couple and had been having at least semi-regular sex for years since Kurt had come back from England.

“Well, if...if this is indeed what we’re dealing with, Logan, and you haven’t had some strange run in with...some weird strain of the Brood or something, then yes...I’m going to venture a bet to say...you and Kurt are...expecting.  Mazel tov,” Hank retorted and was already trying to picture the delivery, and frankly with the thought of some...clawed and tailed mutant baby to come, the doctor was a little terrified. 

And a lot intrigued. 

Logan looked over his shoulder at Hank, not sure how he wanted to take his friend’s congratulations.  Then he felt another twinge in his tummy and stared down at it, and one hand rested against his stomach as he tried to imagine losing his physique in lieu of a baby growing there.  Something in his brain twitched and Logan found himself smiling at the thought of baby right there in his hairy belly. 

“I should...tell Kurt, shouldn’t I?”

Continuing to watch Logan for any sign of mental or emotional breakdown, Hank caught that smile and filed it away in his mind for pondering at a later date, both as a scientist and doctor...and as a concerned and very disturbed friend to the...er...mother.  Father.  No.  Well, this was going to require a whole new set of vocabulary, wasn’t it? 

“You probably should, Logan, but...why don’t you wait just a minute?  Hmm?  I just want to make sure that everything’s...fine with this pregnancy.  I should try to do some test on the...amnio...fluids, and well...we’re going to have to start figuring out how we’ll get this baby out of you...” 

Hank looked over at the infirmary doors when he heard the gasp and saw a stunned Scott and not-so-stunned Emma standing there. 

 

*

Scott had quizzed Emma all the way down to the infirmary to find out why Hank wanted them down there ASAP.  She claimed to not know anything, but he’d learned to read her well-enough over the years to catch the glimmer in her blue eyes to know that she knew _something_.  Now he stood in the doorway, watching Hank stand up from an infirmary bed while Logan stood there stroking his stomach through his t-shirt while they talked about...

“Baby?  Hank, did you just say...baby?” the school’s headmaster asked.  He felt his breakfast give a lurch in his stomach at the thought of Logan...  “Did you just tell Logan that you’ve got to figure out how to get a baby out of him?” 

“Scott, I know this sounds really unusual, and this is what I gave the shout-out to Emma about,” Hank started as he moved over to stand by Logan. 

While Scott stood in the doorway looking stunned, Emma sashayed further in.  Unlike what most people thought about her, she wasn’t dressed in her ‘usual’ white, except for the tight sweater she wore that displayed her form nicely and clung to her hips where they were suddenly clad in dark blue jeans.  She stepped right up to Logan and set her hand on his arm, looking down into those blue eyes that didn’t show the same amount of obnoxiousness they usually did. 

“Logan?  Is this true?  You’re...pregnant?” she asked with an uncommon gentleness to her tone, and she squeezed his arm when he nodded.

Shaking his head, Scott finally moved further into the infirmary until he stood in front of Logan, staring down into his friend’s face.  “Are you sure this isn’t...from some encounter with an alien you haven’t told us about?” 

Logan...looked hurt by Scott’s question at first and he held his hand more tightly against his belly, as if protecting it.  “No, Slim.  No aliens.  I already told Hank that,” he said at a quiet volume.  “I don’t have memory issues after a certain point, Scott, and I’d remember if I went toe ta toe with some alien that...did something ta me.” 

Scott held up a hand to concede.  “Then...are you saying... _Kurt_...?”

Suddenly, both of Logan’s hands braced on his hips and he stood there, one hip jutted out.  His expression was indignant.  “Well, _of course_ , Scott... _Kurt_ is the father.  I ain’t been unfaithful ta him since we hooked up for real.  I ain’t sleepin’ around.”

Emma reached down and patted Logan’s shoulder.  “There there, Logan.  I don’t think Scott was accusing you of cheating on Kurt,” she told him and looked over at her lover. 

“No...no of course not, Logan,” Scott replied and looked back and forth between Emma and Hank and Logan.  Something was going on and why did he have a feeling that Emma knew something? 

She looked at Logan again and told him, “Why don’t you go upstairs and tell Kurt about this?  I’m sure he’s going to be _very_ surprised, and I suspect he’ll have many questions.  So tell him and then if he wants, he can come down here and speak with Henry while you lie down for a bit.  Hmm?” 

Logan tore his eyes away from Scott then looked at Hank, who nodded, then finally at Emma who was being very sweet with him.  She set him at ease, and he nodded at her.  “Alright.  I really should tell him.  He was worried about me this morning when I was pukin’ my guts out and then couldn’t eat.  Couldn’t even stand the smell of coffee.”  His eyes darted to each of them again before he stepped toward the door.  “Gotta...gotta tell Kurt he’s gonna be a father.”  Logan snorted with laughter at that, but he was nervous, too.  He was still reeling from the news himself that _he_ was pregnant! 

“Right, Logan.  Tell Kurt and have him come down to talk to me if he wants to see the test results for himself, but you go lie down for a bit.  Then I’ll...figure out what...um...vitamins and...other things you and I will need to...you know...figure out together,” Hank said.  As a geneticist, a doctor and an X-Man, he thought he’d seen it all, but this was something completely new for him to process.  The whole mansion would be in a tailspin by the time this news came out.

The three watched as Logan, one hand back on his stomach, walked out of the infirmary.  His footsteps could be heard growing fainter and fainter until he was in the elevator, leaving the other three with just their breaths and heartbeats for a moment. 

“Alright, seriously...I want the truth, Hank.  Logan is _pregnant_?” Scott asked, turning to the big blue furry doctor.  As soon as the test results were set into his hands, he looked down and read them over and over again, his disbelief fading away as he was faced with the facts.  He shoved the paperwork at Emma, who looked it over with a self-impressed smirk on her face.  “What?  Emma, what the hell is going on?  You know something, don’t you?” 

Emma looked at Scott then at Hank and back again into the red-lensed shades of her lover.  She smiled. 

 

*

Kurt was playing outside with some of the students when Logan found him, but as soon as the teleporter saw the look in his lover’s eyes, he excused himself from play and strode with confidence over to the shorter mutant.  Without pupils, it was sometimes hard to see concern in Kurt’s eyes, but it was there in the way he quirked his lips like dotting a question mark and in the way he tilted his head and reached out for Logan the moment he was close enough to touch his arm.  He didn’t even let his tail do the touching like he sometimes did, but he curled his fingers around Logan’s hand and gave a squeeze. 

“Schatz?  What’s the matter?  You were with Hank a long time.  Is everything alright?” he asked while they remained on the back veranda. 

“Elf...darlin’, I...I’ve got somethin’ real important ta tell ya, and I don’t think...well, out here...”  Logan sighed and looked out at the kids kicking around a soccer ball, and he knew for certain that at least one of them had hearing as good as his.  “Can we go inside?  Somewhere a little more private?” 

Kurt wrapped his arms around Logan and kissed his forehead.  “Of course, Logan.  You want me to teleport us or...is your stomach still giving you fits?” 

Logan shook his head.  “We can just walk in.  That’s fine.  Don’t know if...all that brimstone’ll set off my...”  He couldn’t believe that what he had was morning sickness!  “...stomach.  After this morning.  C’mon, Elf.  We’ll steal Scott’s office for just a moment.”  He squeezed Kurt’s hand back and tugged him inside. 

 

*

“Emma?” Hank asked, watching as the woman, elegant even in jeans, a sweater and pristine white tennis shoes, moved over and sat down on the infirmary bed that Logan had been napping on.  “What do you know about this?  You hardly seem surprised by this news.” 

Emma crossed one leg over the other and looked up at the two men.  Even if she wasn’t looking at them, she would have felt the weight of their stares. 

“Of course, I know something about this,” she admitted freely with no shame. 

They both moved closer.  And waited. 

Emma watched them then stared down at her nails.  It was time for another manicure. 

They waited. 

“Logan isn’t really pregnant.” 

Emma’s confession thundered around them then fell to the ground in a crash as Scott and Hank just watched her, slack-jawed, arms at their sides. 

“Well, of course, he couldn’t be pregnant, but the man should learn to keep his mouth shut, shouldn’t he?”

She waited through a long silent pause then looked back down at her nails.  “Scott, do you remember that particular...piece of lingerie of mine that you like so much?  Your favorite in fact?” 

Hank barked out, “Emma, this is hardly the time to bring up clothing!  Now what do you mean, Logan’s not pregnant?” 

“I’m getting to that, Henry.  Scott’s favorite teddy just happens to be a part of it,” Emma snarked and arched a finely shaped blonde eyebrow at the furry geneticist. 

“I remember it.  The one you were wearing the other night when we...”  Scott suddenly blushed and cleared his throat.  “Right.  I remember.  What does it have to do with Logan’s...situation?” 

Emma sat up straight and looked at the both of them.  “Well...I was just going down to get the laundry basket because it had my delicates in it...” 

 

*

_Emma winced when she heard the twang of a Reba McIntyre song blaring in the garage.  While she’d danced to her fair share of softer, sweeter country songs, some of the more upbeat ones could still grate on her raised-on-opera sensibilities.  She stepped into the garage and took two steps into the laundry room.  Normally, she doesn’t bother with her own laundry; or rather, she didn’t used to because she’d become accustomed early on to servants.  However, since coming here and falling in love with Scott and making a sort of family here, she’d found herself doing far more domestic things than she ever would have envisioned herself doing._

_While she leaned over to pull the lingerie and other delicates from the dryer, she smiled to herself to hear Logan’s off-key singing with the woman on the radio followed by a few swear words whenever he banged his knuckles with a tool.  She’d seen him working on his bike when she stepped out, but she hadn’t bothered him, and with the exception of his usual...scent...he didn’t bother her either.  Emma frowned when she looked down at her laundry in the basket._

_Something was missing._

_Arching an eyebrow, Emma looked in the washer to see if she’d left an item in there by mistake.  When it wasn’t there, she looked on either side of the dryer then all around the laundry room, becoming more and more annoyed.  She_ knew _she’d put that in to be washed._

_“Lose somethin’, Frost?”_

_Logan’s suddenness in being there didn’t even startle Emma as she’d ‘felt’ him walking up as well as smelled that typical Logan smell – man-musk, cigar smoke, hair gel and grease.  She was still looking, however, so she hadn’t turned around yet._

_“Just something from my laundry, Logan.  I thought I brought it down,” Emma answered while she crouched down once more to look in the dryer._

_Logan held up the doorframe with his shoulder.  “What was it?  Maybe I can help ya find it.”_

_Emma stood up and shook her head.  “I seriously doubt you could, Logan.  I – ”_

_Her eyes went wide when she turned around and saw Logan standing there, casually wiping his hands, his_ greasy _hands on something satiny that used to be very white.  “You...son of a –!” Emma sputtered, her eyes narrowing even more when he had the audacity to look surprised by her anger._

_“What?”_

_“Logan, you are wiping your hands...your greasy...filthy...warthog smelling...CAVEMAN hands on MY teddy!  My favorite teddy.  Scott’s favorite teddy.  And you have the balls to ask me what and look surprised?”  Emma’s nostrils flared as she walked over to him and loomed above him, staring down into that scruffy face._

_Logan looked from Emma’s face down to the rag he was using to clean the oil from his hands.  Then he shook it out and stared at the skimpy one-piece teddy that would have barely covered Emma’s shapely form.  A lecherous smirk teased his lips across his face._

_“Could still wear it...just needs a bit of washin’,” he started._

_“Logan!  You ruined it.  Don’t you get it, you oaf?  You.  Ruined.  It.  How could you even have picked it up and not realized what it was...or who it belonged to?”  Emma just glared at him and couldn’t believe that he was even suggesting that she attempt to save the delicate garment that he’d destroyed with his thoughtlessness._

_Logan held up the teddy and shook it in Emma’s face.  “Now just get off of your high horse, Ms. Frost.  This is all your fault, ya know,” he accused and watched as the woman stood back, her arms crossed over her chest, staring daggers at his head while she waited for the explanation.  “Right...your fault.  First off, ya musta dropped this where it looked like a rag or somethin’ that I coulda used ta clean my girl out there.”_

_“Logan...,” she growled and barely managed coherency with her other words.  “...not a rag...bought in Paris...Scott was there...helped to pick it out...”_

_“Shush now, darlin’, and let a man talk, fer fuck’s sake.”  He shook his head, his grin widening, knowing that he was skating on thin ice as it was.  But he couldn’t resist riling Emma up, couldn’t resist needling her a bit.  “Now...this is your fault also because...if ya’d just let Scotty knock ya up, ya wouldn’t have ta parade around in tiny clothes like this for a while.”_

_“Logan...”  It wasn’t even meant to be coherent anymore.  Just enough to get him to shut up.  To_ warn _him that it would be best if he shut the fuck up.  Now._

_But Logan just grinned and kept going.  “You an’ Cyke have been together long enough now, right?  And I know I ain’t always been supportive, but you’re good together, and I just think it’s time ya let go and let your man be a man and put some buns in that oven.”_

_Emma snarled, “Seriously...you_ want _to shut up now...”_

_“Ya ain’t gettin’ any younger, after all...”_

_Logan looked down at the ruined lingerie again then tossed it into the washer, smiled up at Emma and walked away, not paying any more attention to the white-fire anger that filled her icy blue eyes._

 

*

Kurt stepped into Scott’s office behind Logan, and for a moment, he felt a bit naughty.  It reminded him of the time they’d broken up for almost a year because Logan had cheated on him with, of all people, his _mother_ , and then when they’d finally been shoved in here to work out their problems, they made up. 

Right on Scott’s desk. 

Scott didn’t stop swearing at them for two weeks after that. 

He smiled at that jolt to his memory and closed the door behind them.  “Alright, Liebchen.  No more mystery.  Tell me what Hank said.  Was it...very bad?” 

Logan walked further into the office, releasing Kurt for the moment as he sat down on the leather sofa.  If this were an ordinary day, he would be making all sorts of lewd suggestions about what they could do on Slim’s desk again...or on the couch...or even up against the priceless pieces of art on the wall.  For now, however, he wrung his hands together on his lap and stared up at Kurt, his wet sapphire eyes and nervous twitch of one corner of his mouth making him appear to be a frightened...

...teenage girl. 

“Logan?” 

“Kurt, come sit down, and I’ll tell ya everything.  I promise.  Just...come sit down by me, okay?”  Logan untied his hands from each other and patted the cushion next to him. 

Kurt walked around the table and sat down next to Logan, reaching out immediately to take his lover’s hand between both of him.  His heart thudded in his chest and his breakfast felt like a huge brick in his gut right now.  He thought his lover’s healing mutation would always keep him from whatever horrific news he believed Logan was about to tell him. 

“I’m here for you, Logan.  No matter what.  We’ll face this together...whatever this is,” the German assured his man. 

“I’m real glad ta hear ya say that, Elf.  Real glad ‘cause...what Hank told me...what he said after he ran the blood tests...well, it’s only right that ya stick by me.”  Logan cleared his throat and stared down at his hand between Kurt’s two, then he lifted his eyes once more to stare into the solid yellow gaze.  “See...here’s the deal.  I’m...gonna have a kid...”

Kurt shook his head and started to become angry.  “Wait...you cheated on me again and got some woman pregnant...and what does this have to do with Hank and you feeling sick and...” 

Logan shook his head and touched a finger to Kurt’s lips.  “No.  Kurt... _I’m_ gonna have a kid.  Me.  I’m...pregnant.  And you’re the daddy ‘cause I ain’t been with anyone but you.” 

And Kurt started to do his best impression of a fish out of water.

 

 

*

When Emma reached the end of her recounting Logan’s utter douchebag comments to her, both Scott and Hank were speechless, wide-eyed and had their palms embedded to their mouths as they gaped in shock.  It was Hank who broke the silence, however. 

“And you didn’t just...cause him to pick up a knife and castrate himself?”

Emma chuckled and leaned back on the infirmary bed, propping herself up on her hands.  “It would have been a tempting idea, but this is more fun.  It will be more poignant once my little ‘lesson’ is over and he recalls every...bout of morning sickness he goes through...every emotional and hormonal upheaval and feels the weight of _his_ age while going through this pregnancy.  Maybe _then_ he’ll think before he says stupid things to me like that.” 

Scott just stared at Emma then looked down at the blood test results that Hank once more held.  “But how did you manage _that_ , Em?  I can understand the mind stuff, but Hank ran an honest to God blood test that came up saying he was pregnant.” 

“Oh isn’t that a sweet little surprise?  Honestly, I didn’t think Logan would come to Henry about his morning sickness.  I thought he would figure it out on his own.  And I honestly have no idea how I was able to achieve _that_ level of accuracy!  I put in a pretty big ‘suggestion’ for him to think he was pregnant, but I guess his mind grasped onto that idea and was strong enough to do a number on his hormones.”  Emma’s smile widened, and it was obvious that she was proud of herself.  Proud of the discovery she’d just made about her telepathy and how strong it was turning out to be.  She watched as Scott moved over to sit on the bed across from the one she reclined on. 

“Okay, but Em, you’re not going to leave him like this, are you?  He was going upstairs to tell _Kurt_ that he’s pregnant and that Kurt’s the father.  Don’t you think that’s pretty far?” Scott asked and leaned forward, his elbows digging into his knees.  “I mean, you’ll let Logan tell Kurt...Kurt’ll come down here and then you’ll let go of Logan’s mind and ha ha ha...you’ll reveal the joke?  The...uh...lesson?”

Hank sat down next to Scott and also stared at Emma.  Now, he was a fair man and didn’t want to see anyone hurt, especially not his dearest and truest friends, but he would admit, if pressed, that this was damned funny.  It wasn’t the nicest of ‘lessons’ that Emma could have taught Logan, but it certainly seemed to be the most entertaining reaction in light of Logan’s very rude comments to Emma the day before. 

Emma looked over at Scott, surprised that he hadn’t already _ordered_ her to stop the ‘lesson’ and return Logan’s mind to normal.  “I haven’t decided how long this is to last, Darling.  I was thinking a few days at least.  Maybe a week.  Now that I know my suggestion has affected his hormones, I’m curious to know just how far this will go.”  She brought up a hand and dismissed Scott’s protest before his mouth even opened.  “Scott, this could be useful information during a fight...during a mission even where I have to use my powers and how it could affect an adversary.” 

“Actually, Scott, that is a good point.  If Emma’s suggestion for Logan to think and feel as if he was pregnant has done enough that it’s affected his hormonal level in his bloodstream...enough to show up on the tests, then I think it behooves us to monitor this situation and see just how far it goes.  We know he experienced morning sickness, we know that the test showed positive for pregnancy, but what else will happen?  This could be a very powerful tool in the future,” Hank chimed in. 

Scott turned his shaded eyes to Hank, a little surprised that he would agree to let this go on, but then he realized that the scientist was just a little too strong on his old friend.  And as much as he hated to admit they were right, they _were_ right and this could be useful knowledge to arm themselves with.  He was at war with his own mind at the moment, half seeing Emma and Hank’s side, and even half of _that_ was out of defense of Emma because of the douchebag things that Logan said – even _if_ part of what he said had been meant to be a compliment and blessing of their relationship – but the other half wanted to defend Logan.  As pigheaded as the man could be, as much as they butted heads over the years, they were still friends, good friends; some might venture to say that they’d grudgingly become somewhat best friends after everything they’d gone through, and he hated to think that Logan would come out of this feeling humiliated rather than learning Emma’s little lesson. 

“I just...don’t know, Em.  I understand why you did this, and it is a little funny, but...you’ve got to make sure that he’s not so pissed when you do snap him out of this that he goes on a rampage around the mansion and takes off again.  That’s not fair to Kurt, after all,” Scott warned and then sighed.  What the hell was Kurt going to think about this?  “You have to tell Kurt what’s going on.  You can’t punish him for Logan’s foot-in-mouth disease...and even if you do tell him, he might not want to let Logan dangle for several days or a week.” 

Emma reached across and stroked Scott’s knee.  “Darling, you just let me talk to Kurt, and I’ll make him see that this was necessary.  I’ll make sure that he doesn’t suffer because his boyfriend has a big mouth and no respect for other people’s belongings.”  She smiled and Scott just groaned. 

 

*

Kurt stared down at Logan’s napping form, his tail twitching behind him until he thought it would act out on its own and knock a lamp over.  He’d promised to go to the infirmary after Logan laid down, and he’d stayed with his lover long enough to see the signs of the gruff man drifting off.  He just couldn’t believe this.  It had to be a joke.

After he heard Logan start to snore, Kurt knew the man was down for the count, and he turned off the lights and left their bedroom on cat-steps.  Waiting until he was down the hall so the smell wouldn’t wake his lover up and make him nauseous, Kurt finally teleported down to the infirmary, and when he stepped in, he found Hank, Scott and Emma still there, sitting on a couple of the recovery beds, very clearly deep in conversation. 

“Oh...excuse me.  Is this a bad time?”  He paused at the door and ran a three-fingered hand through his wavy black hair. 

“Kurt-darling, come in,” Emma called out and waved the other furry blue mutant over.  She moved over and patted the bed beside her. 

All three watched the teleporter walk over to their little triad, and he took the spot next to Emma when it was offered.  At first, awkward glances were exchanged, and Kurt could tell that they were all waiting for him to speak first. 

“So...it’s a joke, right?” Kurt finally asked.  Yellow eyes met two sets of blues then the ruby-lensed gaze, and he waited for one of them...all of them... _any_ of them to tell them that this was some weird joke or hallucination on Logan’s part because he was feeling under the weather. 

Hank cleared his throat and handed the test results across to Kurt.  “Kurt...I ran the blood test several times, and every time he came up as pregnant.”

Well, there was no arguing with scientific facts, was there?  Kurt studied the test, and even though he wasn’t completely adept at reading this stuff, he could understand enough to know that where it said ‘Pregnancy – Positive’ that it meant Logan was definitely pregnant.  How, though?  How?  Men didn’t work that way! 

“Maybe it’s something about your genetics, Kurt.  Your mother...your father...definitely an interesting pair, and perhaps that would explain...” 

“Henry, that’s...that’ll be enough,” Emma finally said, trying to contain her laughter.  She turned to Kurt and reached out a hand to rest on his.  “Kurt, I have something to tell you...and I want you to keep an open mind...”

*

“So then...I’m not going to be a father?  With Logan?” Kurt stumbled out his question when Emma reached the end of the second telling of her encounter with Logan the day before.  He remembered when Logan came upstairs for a shower and wore a smug, self-satisfied grin on his face.  Kurt hadn’t thought anything of it because the old man often looked like that, especially when he’d just finished fucking with someone...or watching his favorite hockey team win.  Well, it wasn’t hockey season, so Kurt should have realized it was the latter. 

But Emma?  Really?  _Oh Logan..._

Hank took the paperwork back from Kurt and stood up.  He walked over to an ancient filing cabinet and stuck the paper in a file marked ‘Logan’ then grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, which he carried back over to Kurt, opening it and handing it to him. 

“’Fraid not, Kurt.  You aren’t...disappointed, are you?” Hank asked and reclaimed his spot next to Scott. 

“What?” Kurt asked, looking up at the blue-furred doctor.  “No!  No I’m not.  Mein Gott, no!” he protested and let out a relieved chuckle.  “He just...”  He looked over at Emma, taking a weird comfort from her hand on his even before he took a drink of the water.  “Danke Hank,” he interjected briefly while looking across at the other mutant.  Then his eyes turned back to Emma.  “Logan really believes he’s pregnant, Emma.  I completely understand why you’d want...to do something with what he said.  Mein Lieb probably meant...I don’t know...what he said as a compliment, but his execution was bad.  Very...very very _very_ bad.  I’m surprised you settled for making him think he was pregnant.”  He laughed again and took another drink of the water before rubbing the cold bottle against his forehead.  “You’re not going to make him think this for a long time, are you?  I don’t think the students will understand...I’m not sure how long _I_ can be the doting father...” 

Scott leaned over and clapped his hand against Kurt’s shoulder.  “I’m of a mind to put a stop to this right now, Kurt, but...Emma and Hank have too many _logical_ reasons to let it go on for a few days at least.  But...”  He looked over at Hank then at Emma, his eyebrow arched.  “...no more than a week.  I’m serious.  We don’t know what kind of fallout this will have on Logan at the end of it...and I can’t believe that I’m even going to let you continue this after today.”  He groaned and gave Kurt a sympathetic look.  “Want me to send you out on a mission and get you out of the line of fire?” 

The look on Kurt’s face was almost pleading with Scott that he do just that, and he started to open his mouth to agree, but he was interrupted. 

“Nonsense, Darling.  You can’t send Kurt away now.  Logan would be positively beside himself with worry for his boyfriend, and that couldn’t be good for the baby.”  She laughed when Scott faceplanted  right into his palm and Kurt whimpered and swished his tail very nervously. 

 

*

After Kurt left the infirmary, the other three decided it was time to mingle with the rest of the mansion again.  Hank hung up his lab coat and pressed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. 

“Hey, Emma...I’m curious,” he started as he walked behind the happy couple, who were holding hands. 

Emma looked over her shoulder.  “Yes, Henry?”

He stepped into the hallway behind them and let the door to the infirmary shush closed.  “Why haven’t you and Scott had a baby yet?  Or even just talked about having one?  Genetically speaking, the odds would be in your favor to create a very powerful mutant child...” 

“Shut up, Henry,” Emma told him gently through gritted teeth. 

“...and oh my stars, but any baby you and Scott had together would be stunningly beautiful...,” Hank went on as if he didn’t hear the warning. 

Emma cut her eyes at him.  “Henry... _shut up_.” 

But he still added, “And it’s not as if you two are getting old or anything, but you really do complement each other, so I don’t really understand why you’re waiting...” 

Scott spun around this time and stared down into the doctor’s eyes.  “Hank!  For the love of God!  I can _not_ handle the idea of coming back down here and finding you...nesting in all the emergency blankets and cooing about giving birth to a litter of kittens!  Shut the hell up!” 

 

*

That evening, after Logan had woken up refreshed from his nap, he was feeling much better than he had that morning.  He never questioned the progress of his pregnancy, though he did corner Hank in the chow line while he filled up a plate full of enchiladas, rice, beans, tortillas and salad – his appetite renewed with the sudden loss of morning sickness – to ask the doctor when he could get his first sonogram.  He wasn’t quiet about it either, so when _all_ eyes fell on Logan, he beamed a proud smile and declared, “What?  Don’t you all want to know if I’m having a boy or girl?”

Bobby choked on a Dorito that he’d stuck in the salsa and then his mouth. 

Kitty and Piotr huddled together and stared wide-eyed, waiting for the punchline of the joke.

“Well, it seem to me, Logan, dat you’ve had de girls and de boys...,” Remy started to quip until he was swatted upside the head by Rogue’s gloved hand before she pointed to one of the much younger students still standing there with a tilted plate that was nearly dropping its dinner.  Quickly, the Cajun righted the kid’s plate and he ushered the student out of the kitchen and into the dining room. 

Logan huffed.  “Well, isn’t _anyone_ gonna congratulate the Elf an’ me for this?”

Everyone continued to stare, shocked to hear the petulant whine in Logan’s voice, but no one said a word until Logan – what appeared to be the _real_ Logan – growled and glared at all the people standing around.

“Oh...hey...congrats, you two.  A baby...wow.  That’s...that’s...that’s just really special,” Bobby stammered and grabbed the rest of his food before he walked over and patted Kurt on the shoulder and started to do the same to Logan. 

Until the old mutant set his plate down on the counter and grabbed Bobby around the waist in a tight bear hug, planting his face right in the center of the accountant’s chest as he let out an excited sob. 

“Oh thank ya, Bobby!” Logan barked out his joy at his family showing interest and happiness in this joyous news.  “I’m so glad you’re on board with this!  The little’un’s gonna need all the aunts and uncles he or she can get...and I just KNOW he’ll love ya t’pieces!  Uncle Bobby!”

Bright blue eyes opened wide as Bobby stood there in the kitchen with everyone staring at him now, his arms opened wide to keep from dropping his plate and Logan attached to him in a way he normally tackled someone to the ground in a fight.  To say that Bobby was frozen in place was both an irony and an understatement.  “That’s...that’s good, Logan.  Really good...and I’ll babys-sit...I promise.”  His eyes darted around, looking for help, but at that point, the rest of the X-Men quickly tossed out their congratulations before they all hurried into the dining room.  He didn’t miss Emma’s snicker behind her hand, and he cocked an eyebrow at that, wondering what the hell was up.

Kurt wrapped his tail around Logan’s waist and gave his lover a gentle tug.  “Alright, Schatz...let Bobby go now so he can sit down and eat.  And we need to do the same,” he admonished gently, picking up Logan’s plate as he removed Logan from around Bobby’s middle.  His gaze met Bobby’s, and he wondered if anyone was going to make it through this week alive.  Kurt handed Logan his plate and reminded him to get something to drink, amused when the older mutant went right for a glass of milk instead of tea or coffee.

“For the baby,” Logan declared with a toothsome grin as he made sure he had everything then made his way into the dining room with the others, a bounce to his step. 

And if Kurt wasn’t mistaken, Logan even had a glow about him. 

 

*

The next morning, Kurt woke up in bed, cuddled up to Logan’s pillow.  He blinked and rubbed his eyes and couldn’t find his lover anywhere in the room.  He listened for the sound of morning sickness that had greeted him the previous morning, but he was quite alone.  He sat up and looked around.  Something seemed...off...then he realized that the bedroom was spotless.  There were no clothes on the floor, no empty beer cans or bottles waiting to be thrown away.  No cigar smell.  In fact, that particular odor didn’t seem to cling to the curtains or sheets the way it normally did. 

He climbed out of bed and made it hastily then threw on clothes before stepping into the bathroom to brush his teeth and hair.  Even the bathroom was shiny.  Kurt poked his head back into the bedroom and noticed that the mini-fridge that Logan kept for his beer was slightly open, so he moved over to it to close it.  Before his tail could push the door closed, Kurt saw that the fridge was empty. 

“Huh,” he mused to the empty room.  That was odd.  Logan had just restocked that the other night before all of this pregnancy mess started. 

Instead of puzzling over it for long, Kurt just teleported out of the bedroom and popped into the kitchen.  When the brimstone cleared, he smelled the aroma of eggs and bacon cooking and...other not-complementary scents. 

“Ya know, Elf, we’re gonna have ta talk about you portin’ into a room without fair warning first,” Logan said from stove-side where he was busy flipping the bacon, cheese, sardine and pickle – sweet and dill – omelet until the eggs were nice and fluffy around all the filling.  He looked over his shoulder and beamed a playful smile at his lover. 

Kurt had been known to eat some strange food combinations in his life.  For that matter, so had Logan, but whatever monstrosity that the older mutant was concocting now smelled like nothing that he would ever wish upon his worst enemies.  His nose crinkled in disgust, and his tail flicked back and forth until he made it stay still by his leg.  He looked around and saw that Logan had even pulled down several herbs that he must have added to the mix – tarragon, basil, cumin, cayenne pepper and Chinese Five Spice, all serving to blend and create a pungent aroma that was reminiscent of the horrors that he remembered creating in chemistry lab. 

“Logan, mein Gott...what are you doing?  Have you gone insane?  That smells horrible.  You’re not actually going to eat that, are you?” Kurt complained, wanting to move closer to his lover but terrified that the horrifying stench would cling to his fur all day. 

Turning around with the handle gripped in one hand, Logan eased the omelet onto his plate then walked over to the sink, immediately running hot water in the pan, which he scrubbed out and set into the dish rack to dry.  He grabbed the sponge and walked back over to the stove to wipe it down then back to the sink.  “Of course, I’m gonna eat this.  Just woke up hungry for it...and seein’ as how cravings are all a part of pregnancy, I might as well indulge whatever the baby wants.”  He looked up at Kurt and kissed him then hugged him tightly. 

Kurt’s gaze had followed the shorter man around the kitchen, a bit surprised by Logan’s sudden change in cleaning habits when normally, he’d just leave dishes in the sink until the end of a meal or until he could pawn washing them off on someone else.  He hugged Logan back and kissed him, but his eyes fell on the sheer number of beer bottles and cans sitting on the edge of the sink.  Empty. 

“Logan?” he asked and gestured to them.

Logan turned to look at them and gave Kurt a grin before brushing back an errant lock of black hair from his tanned skin.  “What?  Ya didn’t think I was gonna keep all those around while I’m pregnant, did ya?  I can’t drink, Kurt, and I was hopin’ that...well, with this bein’ _our_ baby an’ all, that you’d be willing to give up drinking during the duration, too.  Ya know...emotional support.” 

 _I need a drink to just get through this week_ , Kurt thought to himself, but he nodded his head.  “Of course, mein Lieb.  Emotional support.  That’s what I’m here for,” he promised and kissed Logan’s forehead.  He felt the older man nuzzle against him then nearly bounce back over to the island where his plate waited for him.  Kurt watched as Logan buttered two pieces of toast then liberally coated them in plum jelly before shaking a bottle of Tabasco sauce over his omelet, then he carted everything including a glass of milk toward the door leading into the dining room. 

“I noticed you got rid of the cigar smell in the bedroom, too, Liebchen,” Kurt mentioned while he tried to decide if he could actually eat anything after watching Logan fix his own breakfast. 

“Oh right!  I got rid of all my cigars, Elf.  Not good ta smoke while I’m pregnant, babe, and I shouldn’t smoke afterward either, so I’m gonna give it up.” 

Kurt watched Logan disappear into the other room then sagged against the counter.  He wasn’t going to make it to the end of Emma’s week. 

 

*

On day three of Logan’s pregnancy, Kurt was in the game room with Kitty, Remy and Rogue playing pool.  They’d spent the first half hour teasing him about becoming a daddy to Logan’s baby, and Kurt managed it all good naturedly, as he weathered most things in his life.  After all, he’d been attacked hundreds of times for his looks alone; he could handle the ribbing about his pregnant boyfriend, who just happened to be the roughest badass in the school. 

Kurt was winning, two games against Kitty, one against Rogue and was just about to beat Remy, surprisingly, when Logan’s loud and excited bellow made all four of them jump and Kurt miss his shot completely, skipping the cue ball right over his perfectly aligned shot.  He glared at Remy when the Cajun snorted with laughter and pronounced the teleporter the Loser, then he looked over to see Logan running into the room. 

“Oh there you are!” he exclaimed and hurried right up to Kurt.  “FEEL!”  Logan grabbed Kurt’s hands and pressed them to his stomach. 

At first, the fuzzy mutant just stood there, expectantly, waiting for something...anything...to happen.  He glanced over his shoulder to see the other three snickering behind their pool cues, then he cleared his throat and looked back at Logan.  “Liebchen...” 

But Logan wouldn’t be budged.  He just clamped Kurt’s hands there, moving them around a couple of times until he thought they were in the right position.  “Kurt!  The baby was kickin’!  I swear!”

And Kurt, knowing that he had to say something, finally smiled at Logan and told him, “Wow...there it is, Schatz!  What a kick!”  Chances were what he felt was Logan’s stomach protesting the grilled trout wrapped in pancakes and smothered in maple syrup with a side of fried bacon-wrapped pickles that he’d fixed for breakfast this morning, and Kurt was still having trouble finding his appetite. 

Logan squealed.  Logan actually squealed when Kurt felt the kick, then he bounced over to the other three and reached out to grab Kitty and Rogue’s hands, leaving Remy to catch the two falling cues.  He pressed their palms against his belly through his t-shirt and looked up into their eyes, waiting expectantly for them to feel the same thing.  And he waited. 

The women looked at each other then up at Remy and over at Kurt.  The German seemed anxious for them to feel this miraculous kicking infant, but it was obvious that they didn’t feel anything except for the churning of a stomach being put through culinary hell. 

“Logan, I...I don’t feel a thing,” Kitty began and tried to move her hand to get a better location.

Rogue was a little less patient.  “What’s up with ya lately, old man?  Ah don’t know why you’re actin’ this way.  It’s silly!” 

Kurt immediately started over to steer them clear from an argument or potentially the end of Emma’s lesson and experiment, but even as he heard Logan sniffling and saw that wibbling bottom lip, Remy handed the pool cues back to the girls and set his own hand on Logan’s gut.  He cut his yellow-eyed stare at the other man and just waited for some joke, some jibe.

“Now...wait a minute, girls.  I think maybe dis baby didn’ want y’all t’go pokin’ at him,” Remy replied softly and peeked over at them.  “Maybe dis baby don’ like ya much if y’all are gonna make fun of his daddies.”  He moved his hand again then grinned at Logan and wider up at Kurt.  “Why there’s that _petit_... _que l'on peu cher_ ,” the Cajun crooned toward Logan’s stomach.  He straightened back up and kept smiling at the two papas before looking at Kitty and Rogue again, tsking at them before looking at the two men once more.  “Y’all are gonna have _un bébé forte_ , _cher amis_.  I cannot wait to see dis _bébé_.” 

“You and me both, mein Freund,” Kurt mumbled then put on a quick smile for the others.  He noticed that Kitty and Rogue were just stumped over the whole thing.  Emma had decided that it would be best not to tell the whole household about the lesson-turned-experiment, so he didn’t understand why Remy was so eager to go along with it when the girls, both like little sisters to Kurt and Logan, weren’t buying Logan’s pregnancy.  Whatever the reason, it was cute and weird, and at least, it was keeping a smile on Logan’s face. 

Remy rubbed Logan’s belly then stood back and watched as the older mutant stood there with both his hands on his stomach, beaming.  “Ya have a real glow about ya, Logan,” he said and didn’t see the girls rolling their eyes behind him. 

“Thanks, Cajun!”  Logan turned around and smiled up at Kurt again then hugged him.  “I’m gonna go show Slim an’ Emma!” he exclaimed and hurried out of the room, leaving the others to stare after him. 

Kurt sagged against the pool table for a moment and listened to the chattering behind him.  The girls didn’t believe Logan was pregnant, which was fine because he wasn’t, but he had a feeling it would mean a lot of mood swings over the next several days. 

 

*****

 

“Emma, I think you should consider putting this...lesson-experiment to an end soon,” Scott said when he walked into his girlfriend’s office. He found Emma behind her desk, playing a cutthroat games of Hearts online against Norman Osborn, Bruce Banner and Jarvis, Tony Stark’s personal computer.

Emma didn’t look up at him. She had to pay attention to the line of cards laid out because Osborn was known for cheating and playing dirtier than she, and she’d already lost twenty bucks to Jarvis.

“Why’s that, Darling? It’s going so well. I never imagined that a suggestion I made could have such interesting affects,” she replied then let out a triumphant cheer. “Take that, Norman!” Emma read the comments, and she typed back, _Alright, Jarvis. Go take care of Tony. Norman, I’ll expect that money in my account within the hour. Bruce, always good to catch up with you. Bye now._

Scott stood in front of her desk, his arms crossed over his chest, his breath huffing out his nostrils. He looked harried. His mood borderlined on horrified.

“Scott-darling, what’s the matter? You look like you’ve been running,” Emma mused after she’d closed her laptop and looked up at her lover.

“Emma, I think we can say that your telepathy is all-powerful and mighty, and I certainly bow to your awesomeness, but I definitely think it’s time to release Logan’s mind and end this pregnancy nonsense,” Scott reiterated and glanced over his shoulder at the door he hadn’t closed all the way.

Emma just crinkled her nose cutely and shook her head. “Oh no. It’s adorable the way he’s behaving. I think the whole week of this is in order to see it through. Hank’s been managing to keep him from _actually_ insisting on a sonogram, and Logan isn’t being grouchy to anyone. Much.”

Scott stared at her, unmoved and unconvinced. “He snarled at Ororo yesterday at dinner.”

“She said he would make a lousy mother and threw Daken in his face. It was a pretty low blow, Scott, even for Ororo. Usually she’s much sweeter to Logan than that, especially now that she’s gotten over her crushes on both him and Kurt and stopped being annoyed that they’re with each other.” Emma leaned back in her chair and brushed her blonde mane off of her shoulders.

He continued to just stand there and regard Emma in silence. Honestly, Scott wasn’t near the stuffy, stick-up-the-ass guy that a lot of people wanted to make him out to be. He had a sense of humor, and at first, he thought pregnant Logan was funny as hell. The cravings were disgusting, the mood swings were hilarious, and it was even kind of cute when Logan held his and Emma’s hands to his stomach the day before to feel ‘the baby’ kicking, but his latest encounter with the man just sent a strange feeling up Scott’s spine.

“Oh come on, Scott. What did he do today that’s got you in a snit?” Emma asked and arched an eyebrow.

Scott sighed and leaned over her desk, his hands gripping the edge. “Emma, he wants me to take him shopping. To the nearest Crate and Barrel.” He watched her hide her snicker behind her hand. “It’s not funny! He wants to purchase baby furniture...and clothes...and he’s insisting on me taking him!”

Emma threw her head back and laughed. “Well, naturally, he and Kurt would want some of the best for the baby. What’s wrong with Crate and Barrel?”

“Emma! The point is that he wants _me_ to take him! He...”

“Oh _there_ you are!” Logan’s voice called out as he pushed the door open and stepped into the office.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Scott groaned, his head falling forward.

Emma chuckled. “Language, darling. You’re in the presence of your pregnant friend. I’m sure he’d rather you not swear,” she teased. Then she looked around Scott and smiled. “Logan! Hello, sweetie. You’re looking very handsome today.”

Logan stopped in front of Emma’s desk just off Scott’s right shoulder. He grinned and preened for Emma in his nicest pair of jeans, a clean and ironed blue button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his biker boots that he’d polished. Or rather, he’d coaxed Kurt to polish them for him so that the Kiwi fumes wouldn’t affect the baby.

“Thanks, Em! I’m feelin’ very...glowy today,” Logan told her with a big smile. Then he shoved his hands into his front pockets, and he rocked back and forth on his feet while his gaze fell tentatively on Scott. “Hey...Scott, so we’re goin’, right? I’ve got gas money, an’ if ya didn’t mind drivin’ my truck, we could use the bed for the crib an’ changin’ table and...whatever else we find.”

Scott lifted his head and stared into Emma’s very smug and amused smile. “Emma, seriously...,” he pleaded.

“Of course, he’s taking you, sweetie. Scott couldn’t be happier than to help you out.” Emma’s eyes sparkled like sapphires when Scott just gave her a dirty look, and his thoughts said much much worse. In response, she sent Scott some very lovely, very _kinky_ images of what she would promise to do to him later for keeping up with this lesson-experiment for just a little while longer. “Kurt’s not going?” Emma asked as she peeked around and saw Logan positively beaming when Scott stood up straight and resigned himself to this shopping excursion.

“Nah. He’s got several trainin’ sessions in the Danger Room back ta back, so I thought I’d surprise him by gettin’ this stuff an’ settin’ it up,” Logan answered. “And I wanted the help anyway...and there ain’t no way I’m drivin’ my bike. That thing’s a deathtrap for someone in my condition! With me havin’ the little’un, I’ve got half a mind ta give her ta Scotty here. I can’t very well take a baby on the back of it, ya know.”

Scott looked over at Logan as if he’d grown a second head, but at the same time, the prospect of getting that sweet bike out of the old man was enough to make him think twice about ending this until after his name was on the title. “Well, if you really feel unsafe with it, I could take it...”

“Scott,” Emma interjected.

“What? Emma, if he’s not comfortable with the bike anymore, there’s no sense in letting it just sit there,” he protested and looked around at her, catching the warning in her eyes.

 _Don’t take advantage of your friend, Scott. Naughty naughty..._ , Emma thought at him, her lips quirking in amusement that the moral compass in Scott had momentarily gone out of whack. Then she stood up and walked around her desk and kissed Scott then turned to Logan and kissed his forehead. “You boys have a good time with your shopping! Be careful!”

“We will!” Logan exclaimed and curled his fingers around Scott’s arm, tugging him toward the door. “C’mon, Scott! I want ta get there before the store closes!”

 

*****

 

On the fifth day of Logan’s “pregnancy,” Kurt wound up pacing around the mansion. He’d looked everywhere for his partner, but the man couldn’t be found. All Emma would tell the teleporter was that he’d gone out for a drive to meet a friend he hadn’t seen for a while, and with Logan, some of those ‘old friends’ could be women he’d dated or slept with, which, in Logan’s hormonal state, didn’t sit well with Kurt.

He was on his tenth pass of the front hall when he heard the rumble of Logan’s old truck pulling up the driveway toward the garage, and in a puff of purple-black smoke, Kurt bamfed from the mansion out to meet his lover. His tail twitched back and forth to show his impatient concern, and he stood with his arms crossed over his chest while he waited for Logan to climb out and walk toward him.

“Logan! Schatz! Where have you been?” Kurt exclaimed and met his lover halfway, wrapping his arms around the shorter mutant. He didn’t know why he was this worried, but in the condition that Logan believed himself to be in, Kurt found himself actually concerned about his lover’s physical, mental and emotional health. He thought Logan would be mad at this, and ‘normal’ Logan might have been a bit miffed at the fuss he was making.

Instead, however, Logan hugged Kurt back and kissed him. “I’m fine, Elf. Just popped down ta the roadhouse ‘cause Fury called me. Seems he wanted ta talk about stuff what’s been drivin’ him batshit, so he called me ta come and have a beer with him.”

Kurt pulled back and stared down into Logan’s eyes, looking very serious and trying to find out if Emma had finally eased up. “A beer? Logan, did you...have a beer with Nick Fury?” he asked tentatively.

Logan’s jaw dropped open and he gasped. “Kurt!” he whined, and his bottom lip quivered. “Ya know that I ain’t drinkin’ right now because of the baby! Why would ya think I’d actually have a beer just ‘cause I met Fury at the roadhouse?” He braced his hands on his hips, clearly insulted that Kurt would assume that he’d do something so reckless!

Cupping his hands around Logan’s arms, Kurt stared down into his lover’s eyes. “Mein Lieb, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make that assumption. I was just surprised...that’s all.” He didn’t know how much longer he could handle Logan’s emotional ups and downs; it had taken him years to get used to the man the way he was emotionally, but this was a whole different set of rollercoaster rides, and it had been exhausting!

Blue eyes rolled away from Kurt’s face for a moment while Logan listened to his lover’s apology. Finally, he looked at the younger mutant and a little smile teased the corners of his mouth. “Alright, Papa bear. I accept your apology,” he murmured and pressed his stocky body against Kurt’s, hugging him tightly. While Kurt rubbed his back, Logan growled softly and told him, “Feels good.”

“So then...you had a good talk with Nick Fury?” Kurt asked after a few moments and turned them both to walk inside.

Suddenly, Logan was all grins and laughed. “Tony’s drivin’ Fury crazy with all his weddin’ plans. Keeps interruptin’ Avenger meetings to talk about...flower arrangements an’...cummerbunds.”

Kurt laughed at that and his tail swirled around and tugged open the door before he could hold it open for the older mutant. “Well, I can understand why that would drive him crazy. All that...wedding talk when I’m sure they have serious business to discuss...” He kept one arm around Logan’s shoulders, glad that his lover was home. He wanted to show Logan all the progress that he and Scott made on putting together the make-shift nursery in the corner of their bedroom. Of course, he’d saved all of Logan’s receipts because he knew that once Emma righted Logan’s mind and body, they’d need to return everything.

Logan stiffened and once they were in the main hallway inside the mansion, he stopped walking and turned a cold stare at the taller, furry mutant. “What do ya mean by that? Are ya sayin’ that weddin’ talk is stupid, Kurt?” When he wasn’t answered right away, Logan pulled away from Kurt and pouted.

“Logan, what’s wrong? I wasn’t saying that wedding talk is stupid. I just...well, I’m still amused that _Tony Stark_ is getting married. That’s all,” Kurt tried to explain, but that only made Logan’s mood worse! The older man faced Kurt and once more adopted the petulant stance of crossing his arms over his chest, his bottom lip puffed out.  

“Well, at _least_ , Tony was proposed to! Tony has a man who LOVES him enough ta marry him, and he ain’t even pregnant with his kid!” Logan bellowed and scrunched his face to show his displeasure.

Kurt’s head whipped around to see who, if anyone, happened to be around for _this_ particular outburst, and he held out his hands and reached for Logan to comfort him, but of course, Logan pulled away from him this time. Though when...the hell...had Logan gotten it into his head to call Kurt ‘Papa bear’? Dear God, he was never going to live any of this down.

“Logan, Schatz...please. Just calm down. We can talk about this. I didn’t think you wanted to get married again. I thought you were happy with our relationship the way it is,” Kurt spoke soft and calm, trying to soothe Logan before this turned into another yelling match like he’d had with Ororo when she brought up Logan’s son.

“Don’t tell me ta calm down, Kurt. I don’t think I’m outa line here ta bring up you marryin’ me. I didn’t think much about marriage before, but circumstances have changed, Papa bear, and I think we oughta talk about a wedding. Don’t ya want your son or daughter ta have your name, Kurt?” Logan poked his finger into the center of Kurt’s chest a little harder than he intended, and to add insult to injury, he tossed out, “Ya know how your mother feels about this sorta thing, and when I talk ta her about it...”

Kurt massaged the center of his chest where he would likely have a light bruise, then his eyes became large pieces of bright citrine. “Logan...do _not_ call my mother. Do not. She doesn’t need to be involved in this,” he muttered, his heart pounding in his chest.

Logan rolled his eyes. “Kurt, she needs ta know that she’s gonna be a grandma. You can’t hide this from her ‘cause she’ll find out anyway and just be pissed.”

“She won’t be pissed...and she doesn’t need to know. Logan, please don’t call Raven. This really doesn’t concern her,” the fuzzy mutant pleaded in a quiet tone.

“Well, it’s too late. I already called her an’ told her I was pregnant an’ that you hadn’t even asked me ta marry you and give this baby your last name!” Logan shouted and that whine was back in his voice again. “An’ if I had a way ta call your dad, I’d tell him, too!” he snarked and turned around, stalking away down the hall.

Kurt slumped against the wall and buried his face in his palm. Why had Emma decided that this needed the full week?

 

*****

It was midafternoon when Emma picked up the presence of a mutant she hadn’t expected to see or hear anything from, especially not _here_. She stepped out from around her desk and immediately alerted Scott with her telepathy to this mutant, but she told him not to react as if this were a terrorist attack until she’d had a chance to find out what was going on. Emma’s boots tapped out the rhythm of her gait as she walked through the hall to the front door, opening it the moment the blue hand on the other side curled around the knob and started to turn it.

“Raven Darkholme,” the blonde greeted, holding her position in the doorway until she found out what was going on.

Yellow eyes darted around the foyer then settled on Emma before looking behind her when Scott strode up and performed the role of a bulwark in case she’d thought to just walk in or to push her way through Emma to get in.

“Emma Frost...and Scott Summers. Still running the madhouse, I see. Though...it seems as if one of your...lunatics is still being given phone privileges and thinks he’s pregnant,” Raven replied and tilted her head until her red hair fell across her blue cheeks in an attractive way.

Emma and Scott sighed in unison, but while Scott looked almost embarrassed that this had gone so far as to now involve _Mystique_ , Emma chuckled and gestured to the other woman to come inside. She stepped back and when Scott tried to continue his impression of the Juggernaut, Emma casually touched her palm to his chest and nudged him backward.

“Darling, we have a guest,” she started then looked into Raven’s yellow eyes. “Who I trust will respect our rules and not feel the need to blow anything up, yes?”

Raven bowed her head in respect to Emma’s request. “Of course. I have no reason to attack anyone here...yet. Only one, and that’s only if he’s trying to piss me off with his call yesterday.” She stepped into the mansion and closed the door while Emma held Scott at bay. “At ease, Summers. You have my word that I’m not here to cause trouble, and if I have to deliver an ass-kicking to Logan, I’ll make sure to wait until he’s left the school first.” Her smile showed her amusement at that idea with a hint of her sometimes sadistic nature.

“Emma, this is why you should have put a stop to things a few days ago,” Scott told her in a soft but firm tone.

“Put a stop to what?” Raven arched an eyebrow at the other two and waited in the hallway for an explanation.

Emma turned to look at Raven and said, “Come to my office. I’ll explain everything...”

 

*****

Raven hadn’t laughed that hard or that long in years. She’d been surprised that Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes Scott Summers had allowed this to go on at all, much less for almost a whole week, but she would have to admit that she was impressed. The level of telepathic power that Emma was able to exhibit and the sheer wickedness of her ‘lesson’ was too good for Raven not to compliment and laugh at over and over. And the two headmasters had agreed to let her have her own brand of fun before she left the school.

Now, standing in the hallway, she crossed her arms over her chest and yelled, “And just where is my son and the man who’s carrying my grandchild? Hmm? What? Am I supposed to just stand here in this...drafty hallway until _someone_ acknowledges my existence?”

Her voice carried all throughout the mansion. Raven spent much of her life in stealth because the nature of her ‘job’ required that only her guns and explosives go ‘boom’, but when she needed to speak, she made sure that her voice carried. It received the results she wanted, too, for in no time, a puff of purple-black smoke exploded in front of her and once it cleared, Kurt stood there, tapping his foot, arms crossed defiantly over his chest. It wasn’t much longer after _that_ that Logan rushed out from the kitchen, reeking of purple onions, anchovies, strawberry jam and Vienna sausages, and Raven sneered.

“Well, Logan...you never did smell like a bed of roses, but you really have seemed to...outdo your usual...stench,” Raven said, her bluesy voice monotone and unsure if it should sound amused or not.

“Raven, I didn’t expect ya ta come callin’,” Logan retorted, his hands immediately coming up to rest over his stomach in a protective fashion, earning him the quirk of the corner of Raven’s mouth.

“ _Mother_ ,” Kurt snarled slightly, not sure if this was going to be a friendly visit or one involving friendly fire. “About Logan’s call...”

Raven stepped right up to Kurt and stared down that inch difference in their height until her yellow eyes bored right into his. “How _dare_ you get Logan pregnant and not even call me the moment you found out about it. What kind of son are you to deny your own mother the chance to get excited about her grandchild?”

Kurt’s tail flipped back and forth, and he stared up into his mother’s eyes, which were identical to his own. He didn’t back down. He hadn’t been raised by Raven, so he didn’t have a boy’s natural devotion to, respect for, or fear of the woman who’d given birth to him. Even if he’d wanted a better understanding of her, of why she dropped him, why she abandoned him...or even a better relationship now, he still held her to a different standard than most sons held their mothers.

“I’m...still adjusting to the news myself. It’s a huge surprise to all of us. I just...hadn’t gotten around to calling you yet. Besides, how was I supposed to know that you were going to want to be a grandmother?” Kurt answered and stood his ground. He stared at her until she took a step back before she walked over to Logan and placed a slender blue hand on his stomach.

“Going to have a strong baby, Logan? You’ve been doing _everything_ possible to make sure _my_ grandson or daughter will be strong and healthy?”

“You don’t have to grill him...,” Kurt began but a look and arched eyebrow from Raven silenced him before she turned her attention back to Logan.

Logan huffed. “Of course, I’m doin’ what’s necessary ta have a healthy kid, Raven. I ain’t stupid,” he told her and rolled his eyes. “’Cept Kurt and I had a fight yesterday, and that’s made me a bit...upset.”

Raven, like so many others over the last couple of days, rubbed Logan’s belly then turned her attention back on her son, arms crossed over her chest again. “Oh? And what was this fight about? You know it’s not good to upset a pregnant...mother...”

Before Kurt could answer, Logan barked out, “Your son won’t marry me! It’s legal now an’ everything, and he won’t even _ask_ me ta marry him. Won’t even commit to the idea of _talkin’_ about marriage. Now I’m sure I could be a single parent an’ all that, but I was _hopin’_ that the man I love would have wanted ta marry me and give his kid a legitimate last name!”

“Kurt...and you a Catholic. You believe in marriage, don’t you?” Raven nearly purred then tsked at him.

“Look, I...I never said I wouldn’t marry Logan,” Kurt protested, becoming flustered with the whole situation. “This just isn’t the time to talk about it.”

Raven _hmphed_ then wrapped an arm around Logan’s shoulders. “Then when is it the time to talk about it? You have to talk about these things now. Marriage, the baby... _names_ for the baby. I bet you haven’t even bothered to discuss that, have you?”

Both men suddenly found their feet very interesting and mumbled a “No,” in unison. Their reaction garnered an impatient sigh from Raven who moved away from Logan again where she could stand in front of both of them.

“Perhaps you both would permit a _grandmother’s_ input into the naming of her grandchild? Hmm?” When she had both sets of eyes on her again, she just grinned. “If you have a girl, I think you should name her Irene. For...sentimental reasons. If you have a boy...well...” Here, Raven shrugged. She’d been with a lot of men, one of them standing right in front of her. “Well, you’re on your own on that one. I’ve always liked the name Michael. You know, if I’d raised you, Kurt, that would have been your name.” If anyone listened, _really_ listened, they’d hear a wistful quality to Raven’s voice, but it was soft and fleeting and gone as quickly as a hummingbird.

Nothing was said for a moment, and then Raven broke the silence, wanting to push them back into the humor of the situation, even if Logan didn’t realize just how funny this was. Yet. Though with his nature, he might never see the humor, even though he was the one who started it all with his careless comments.

“Right. So then...the wedding,” she goaded with a smirk and saw that her words perked Logan right up until he beamed a smile at Kurt.

“ _Mother_ , I really don’t think we need to discuss that right now...do you?” Kurt snarled, causing Logan to pout all over again and flounce his arms.

“But Papa bear!” the older mutant exclaimed.

And before Logan could go on another tirade, though she gave Kurt a look that questioned _Papa bear_ , Raven started in on her son once more. “Now Kurt, there had better be a wedding. I don’t want to hear another word about you leaving my grandbaby without a last name!”

It was the last push that Kurt didn’t need. How could he explain to Raven – who hadn’t approved of his relationship with Logan to begin with – that while he would _love_ to marry Logan in a very legitimate and spiritual way, he didn’t want to do it because his man thought he was pregnant! He wanted Logan to want marriage when he was in his right mind.

“That’s enough! I’m not going to talk about marriage with you anymore, Raven, and I’m not going to do a damned thing about giving _your_ grandbaby a name! It’s not even real!” he blurted out, not thinking about Logan’s fragile state of mind until it was too late.

Logan, hearing the very last thing Kurt snapped out, suddenly burst into loud sobs, leaving Raven wide-eyed and amused as hell to hear that sort of crying out of a man who would normally call that “womanly.” She looked over at Kurt who’d buried his face in his palm, and when her head turned again, she saw that there were several sets of eyes peeking over the edge of the stairway. She followed where Logan ran to in time to see Scott and Emma in the hallway and Logan slamming right into Scott and clinging to him, blubbering and sobbing against the other man’s chest.

Scott stood there, his arms outstretched at first then tentatively wrapping around Logan’s shoulders, patting him on the back. “There...there...Logan. It’ll be fine...” He cut his stare over to Emma and arched an eyebrow at her. “...it’ll be fine _very_ soon.” Then he just hugged Logan tighter when the old mutant kept crying and blurbling out about how Kurt was mean to him...how Kurt didn’t love him and how Kurt said their baby wasn’t real, leaving the headmaster longing for the days when he could just walk out the door and have a Sentinel to face down. It made a hell of a lot more sense than this!

 

*****

When Kurt woke up in the morning, he did so because of the sound of retching coming from the bathroom. He pushed himself up in bed and wondered for a moment if the last six days had been a dream, but when his sleepy eyes blinked and looked around the room, he realized that it hadn’t been. The crib and changing table were still in the corner of the bedroom, and the room still smelled like spring flowers instead of cigar smoke and beer. Still, the sound of vomiting coming from the bathroom was cause for concern, and Kurt slipped out of bed, adjusted the waistband of his pj bottoms and wandered across the room, peeking inside.

“More morning sickness, Lieb?” he asked when he found Logan the way he had that morning six days ago, bent over the toilet, looking pale and haggard.

Logan turned his head and squinted at Kurt. “What in the hell are ya talkin’ about, Kurt?” rumbled the old mutant. “Morning sickness? I ain’t got morning sickness. That’s a woman’s ailment when she’s knocked up.” He turned his head and puked again, no doubt throwing up all those weird combinations of food he’d eaten over the last several days.

Kurt rubbed his face then brushed his thick fingers through his hair. What Logan said snapped the teleporter more awake, and he looked around before turning his attention back to his retching lover. “Well...ja, Logan...that’s what morning sickness is...and this...isn’t morning sickness?” he eased his question out.

Groaning and flushing the toilet, Logan dropped the lid down with a bang then pushed himself to his feet. He stared at Kurt as if his lover had turned green, then he stood at the sink, brushed his teeth and rinsed his mouth out with Kurt’s minty mouthwash. Anything to get that taste off his tongue.

“Have you been sneakin’ off with some of the troublemakers and smokin’ a little pot, Kurt?” Logan asked, turning to give the younger mutant a strange look.

Kurt just stood there and tried to figure out what he was supposed to say to Logan about the last week. Didn’t he remember _anything_? If he didn’t, then how effective would Emma’s lesson really be?

“You don’t remember the last week, do you, Schatz?” he asked and backed up into the bedroom when Logan started toward him. Logan was still watching him warily, and Kurt walked over to the light switch and flipped it on, filling the bedroom with light so that Logan could see _everything_ in the room, hoping it would jar his memory.

“What about the last week, Kurt? And why does the room smell so funny?” Logan looked around the room to see if he could find the source of this flowery scent, and that’s when his eyes fell on the newly decorated corner. “Elf? Why the hell is there a crib an’ changin’ table in _our_ bedroom? Are we on...some sorta babysittin’ duty?” He turned around to look at Kurt then stalked over to the mini fridge, crouching down and yanking open the door.

Kurt waited silently, thinking that he was going to have to wake up Emma and Scott to straighten out this whole mess.

“WHERE THE HELL IS ALL MY BEER?”

 

*****

 “If it helps, Logan, you were very sweet all week...except for a few outbursts and threats, and I for one thought you and Kurt would make wonderful fathers.”

Emma smiled across her desk at Kurt and Logan, trying not to laugh at the way Logan pouted and Kurt sat tentatively on the edge of his seat as if waiting for his lover to explode and destroy her office. She’d given Logan a memory ‘tap’ after she’d had her first cup of coffee – and that was after Logan charged like a bull in a china shop into hers and Scott’s bedroom with an apologetic Kurt in tow. She had let him see _everything_ from the past week, from what caused her to set up this lesson to the way he’d behaved and all the strange food he’d cooked. She even made sure that Logan’s memory was flooded with Raven’s visit the day before, smirking when he had the humility to look horrified that Kurt’s mother had seen him burst out in tears and cling to Scott like a lifeline.

“It doesn’t help, Frost,” Logan grumbled as he glared at her. Then he sighed. “I’m sorry I pissed ya off, though. Didn’t mean ta, but...I can rightly see how ya’d misunderstand and be annoyed with me. So I’m sorry for that. But...I don’t think ya had ta let all that embarrassin’ stuff go on for so long.” He turned his eyes first to Kurt then Scott, and both men had the decency to look away and not meet his gaze.

“Logan, what started out as a...really funny ‘lesson’, wound up being an experiment to test what my powers could do. It wasn’t intended to be that, but when your blood test turned up positive for pregnancy, well...I wanted to know what other hormonal affects my little ‘suggestion’ would have,” Emma explained. For once, her tone at Logan was sympathetic and compassionate, even if she wasn’t going to apologize for what she’d done. For this, she didn’t feel she had a reason to apologize. She looked over at Hank, who’d agreed to be here for this meeting to back up anything she said with the medical tests he’d run. So far, he hadn’t had to say anything, but Emma suspected that there would be a few more awkward silences for the next week or two until the embarrassment wore off. She would speak to the rest of the mansion and make sure that they didn’t drag out the teasing for too long.

Everyone remained quiet for the longest time, and no one else apologized. It was Emma who finally broke the silence once more and told Logan, “If it makes you feel any better, when Nick Fury explained to the Avengers that you were pregnant, Tony Stark stopped speaking about his wedding plans long enough to call and tell me that he wanted to throw you a baby shower.” Her expression was completely calm and straight as she said those words, even when Logan turned his blue eyes back at her, the humiliation and anger draining momentarily from his features.

“He did? That was nice of him.  Weird...but nice,” Logan replied, and this time, everyone in the room broke the strained silence to laugh.

 

*****

Later that afternoon, Logan stood outside the mansion, his cellphone held up to his ear. He waited for several rings, and just when he thought he was going to get his voicemail, Tony’s familiar voice popped up on the other line. “Yeah...Stark, it’s me. Logan. Oh yeah...ha ha ha. You’re real funny. Listen, while I appreciate your _other_ offer, I’ve got an idea. How about ya throw me a party anyway...without all that baby crap? Just beer. Lots and lots of beer.”


End file.
